Dear Mr. Epstein – You Failed

It is the end of the fall 2020 semester (perhaps the looonnngggeeesssttt semester in modern history), and while I am swamped with term papers to grade, I felt it was my civic duty to “correct” a recent Op-Ed published by the Wall Street Journal. Below is my mark-up of the piece–or as much as I could read before WSJ demanded a subscription–as well as my summary note to Mr. Epstein (scroll to the very bottom). Please feel free to provide Mr. Epstein additional feedback in the comments section if you wish to help him become a proper writer.

Dear Mr. Epstein:

While I appreciate your efforts to generate “clickbait” for the Wall Street Journal, I cannot give you a passing grade on this piece for the following reasons:

1. You do not provide a clear thesis statement. Therefore, it is challenging to understand of what, precisely, you are attempting to convince the reader. If you need guidance on how to write an effective thesis statement, you can Google “How to write a thesis statement” and choose from the more than 185,000,000 resulting links. Do confirm the quality of the website and its sources before using it, though! This brings me to my next point…
2. You do not provide any evidence for your claims. Teachers use the term “evidence-based writing” to describe the kind of writing required of non-fiction publications such as newspapers. In evidence-based writing you use outside sources to support your ideas. This gives your writing credibility and strengthens an argument (which you would need in order to use evidence-based writing — see point #1, above). To learn more, you may want to contact an elementary school teacher or go to Khan Academy to learn more. Actually, definitely go to Khan Academy. Our country’s teachers are busy these days, I hear…
3. You use passive voice throughout the piece. I know that it can be scary to assert your voice as a writer but if you want to be taken seriously, you need to learn how to avoid the use of passive tense. In fact, using passive voice can call into question the credibility of your claims by inadvertently exonerating you from any errors (e.g. “mistakes were made”). There is a nice piece on Grammarly.com that might be helpful. Just search “misuse of passive voice” in the Grammarly search bar and the piece will come up in your browser.
4. Your piece is incomplete. A paywall is not an acceptable excuse for submitting partial work. This is akin to students uploading the “wrong” research paper on BlackBoard moments before the deadline. I may only have a Ph.D., but even I know when to call bullshit.

I realize that you are intending to apply to graduate programs to earn a Ph.D. as a means to overcome your self loathing and sense of total inadequacy. Unfortunately, based on this writing sample, I cannot provide a recommendation letter for your applications. It would only contribute to …. how did you put it?… ah yes, “the erosion of seriousness and the relaxation of standards in university education”.

Sincerely,
Amy Shore, Ph.D.

P.S.: This message also serves as a model for future correspondence. Note that one should use a formal mode of address when writing to individuals with whom they do not have a pre-existing and personal relationship. Additionally, always use the individual’s proper title as a means to demonstrate respect. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to offend a woman such as Dr. Jill Biden who has dedicated her life to education and public service, would you?